The Outsider

I am a friend when you need me.

I am a hook up when no one else is available. 

I am the girl you want when you're rejected by the first choice.

The outsider to everyone in my life.

Never been apart of the inner circle.

I am the person that's easy to pick on.

I am the one to blame.

I can make you laugh when we are hanging out.

I put everyone first.

I would never treat anyone the way I am treated.

But I still always get hurt.

I am the last resort when everyone else is busy.

I send you a message and all of a sudden you want to hang out.

Probably because your plans fell through and you can leave the house.

I sit on my phone seeing the stories of everyone out and having fun.

While I am in bed rotting away binging a tv show in the dark in my room.

My room is my solitude and my safe space.

It is where I always am.

Before work, after work, and on my days off.

Unless I make a plan with you,

we would never hang out.

I get a lot of I will let you know or I have to check and see.

Most of the time you show up late or cancel last minute on me.

Sometimes you just forget that we made plans to begin with.

I am so used to having to remind people leading up to the exact day.

Since I am just an after thought for you and the plan isn't a big deal for you.

Hanging out with my friends is my serotonin.

But I always expect to be let down.

I am always outside looking in at what a fun life everyone else has.

I wonder what it's like to have a core friend group.

Maybe one day I will be lucky to find that.

But for now I will sit in my solitude and maybe be invited out.