Inner Monologue of a Yearning Blonde

  I’m just a girl, The excuse we all started to use, We all laugh about it and use it to get away with silly things. But being just a girl is so much more. We love too hard We feel too much  We talk too loud  We giggle a bunch  But it’s hard to be these beautiful delicate flowers I mean that’s how guys always see us Delicate and easy to break. But if they view us that way then why do they always treat us badly and throw us away. We are strong and say we don’t need a man.  It’s true we don’t actually need them to survive.  We pine for them and want to feel the attention and to be loved.  You broke my heart.  I’m just a girl, I’ll piece it back up. 

  I hate how talking to you makes me happy.   I want to be a better person for you.  I want to tell you everything about myself, because we’ve already shared so much.  You don’t judge me for anything.  You don’t get mad at me when I spiral and overthink.  I know you don’t want to be with me. But you still send me a Snapchat every morning. Waking up to see that notification makes me instantly happy.  What a beautiful way to wake up. Sending memes on Instagram to each other. Sending videos and photos on Snapchat. Some days you’re so talkative and flirty. Other days more distant and not chatty at all. Those days make me feel terrible. What did I do to make you not want to talk to me anymore? But then you send me something and I’m happy again. Why do you make me so happy. You hurt me more every time you flirt and seem like I have a chance. I know you’re emotionally unavailable and not ready to date yet m. But I know that really means you’re not going to da...

  If I disappeared today how long would it take for my friends to notice. I put my friends first always. I am their biggest supporters and their number one fans. I always want to show up for them and root for them to win.  I don’t receive that. I try to create content but never get support.  When my friends post I comment, like, and praise them.  Never receiving in return.  I just wish I had the same type of friends who support me the way I support them. If I don’t hear from them for awhile I always reach out. I always send morning messages and make sure they’re doing okay.  If I disappeared today.  I don’t even know if they’d notice.  Maybe a week or so will go by. Maybe even a month.  I don’t even think they would be apart    of a search party. They wouldn’t be out looking for me.  If I was found dead I don’t think they would even request time off for my funeral. It’s weird to feel so much love for friends but to feel like it...