Forgotten Friend.

 It’s hard when you realize you’re the forgotten friend 
The one your friends always forget about 
The “you can come if you want”

or the "we figured you'd be at work"

Always an after thought to them.

You always think about including them in your plans.

Worrying if they actually like you or not.

The constant trying to please them.

Doubting everything about yourself because why do they not like you.

It's difficult to think about how you're always the one on the outside.

Finding out everything last.

The opened and read messages with no response.

Do I even have friends?

Am I just tolerated because they pity me?

Do they feel sad for me because I am always alone.

Being left out and seeing the stories on social media.

The happy faces in photos and the laughter in videos.

I sit at home typing sad poems and writing in journals how I feel alone.

Sometimes I feel like I have no friends.

I lay in bed at night thinking about how if I died tonight would anyone show up to my funeral?

They would probably be too busy to show up.

Just like how I plan my birthday months in advance for people to request off one night.

For them to be too busy or forgot to take time off work,

I see videos online of all these friends doing fun things together.

themed parties and funny power point parties.

I would love to have friends to these things with.

Game nights and girls night ins with wine and painting.

I know I will never have that.

I am invited when remembered. 

I am invited when I over hear the plans.

For once I would love for people to want to be with me,

Maybe I am too much.

Maybe I am not enough.

I will just stay home typing melancholy blog posts for few to see.

Do you think anyone would read this and actually check in on me?