Fear

 My biggest fear is death.

I know everyone technically fears it. 

But I overthink and obsess over it.

I lay in bed at night scared to fall asleep because what if I do and don’t wake up.

Would I want to go peacefully in my sleep?

Would I want to know that I’m dying and be there in the moments of my last breath.

I eat food and as I eat I tell myself smaller bites and chew it fully. 

I don’t want to choke. 

Driving my car the thoughts of all the accidents that could possibly happen rush through my mind.

I sit and watch tv and get mild panic attacks thinking about I could just die right now.

Heart attack, stroke, or aneurism.

What if I am getting cancer right now, and I have no idea.

I also have a fear of not being in control. 

Maybe that’s why I fear death so much.

No one has control over it.

Sometimes there’s thoughts of dying where I am in control of it. 

That scares me.

I sometimes can’t believe I think that way but when I’m depressed I spiral.

Death is my biggest fear but the “what ifs”about after death fascinate me.

I lay awake at night for hours trying to fall asleep.

My mind is going into over drive thinking of all these things.

I wonder if anyone else thinks about it the way I keep myself up every night.

My biggest fear is death and I can’t get it out of my mind.